Yoblubba
2010-12-31 05:12:25 UTC
http://www.ivillage.com/husband-regrets-marriage-obese-wife/4-a-293987?ob
ref=obnetwork
What is it about being in a relationship that makes us gain weight? Like
the freshman 15, we plump up when we get cozy in a long-term
partnership. Even though my weight has fluctuated by a modest 10 to 15
pounds since college, I was always thinner when on the singles scene,
and heavier when committed. Similarly, Ive watched boyfriends go soft
around the middle and gain double chins once weve been dating for more
than a year. Though it didnt make me love them any less (there were
other reasons for that), I did at times wonder why they chose to let
themselves go. That might have had more to do, however, with certain
slothful habits they were starting to exhibit which, to my eyes, is much
more unattractive than a roll of fat.
But what happens when, after you marry someone and say till death do us
part, your partner for life balloons in a big way, and has no interest
in taking the pounds off? Do you have a right to be upset? On the 100
Pounds or More To Go board this week, chatguy77 asked members what to do
about his wife Ramona who, already obese when he married her, has put on
another 90 pounds, putting her into the category of morbidly obese.
Ive tried to be supportive, but she doesnt seem motivated to lose
weight, he says. He capped off his concern with a comment sure to irk
those who struggle with weight issues of their own, Recently, its
become clear (turns red) that at 330 vs. 192, wifey can mop the floor
with me! Ugh! I didnt know what I was getting into with this whole
marriage thing. (Relevant or not, it should be mentioned that at 510
and 192 pounds, chatguys BMI qualifies as overweight.)
Not surprisingly, the women on the board questioned whether chatguy and
his attitude were partly to blame. Panda_and_boos_mom, who attributes
her 125-pound weight gain to her husbands aversion to exercise and
vegetables, suggested that chatguy might not be living up to his wifes
expectations and, instead of asking her to lose weight, he should help
her lose it. Get a good low-fat cookbook and start making dinners. Fix
her plate for her and give her correct portions sizes. Take a walk
together after dinner so you can hold her hand and make her feel special
and appreciated. Find an activity you both like to do and make dates to
go do them. Don't tell her you want her to lose weight; tell her you
want both of you to be healthier and to have a better relationship, she
advises.
All good advice in my book, though the part about fixing her plate
sounds a little Svengali-esque to me.
Meanwhile, liz_in_az wants chatguy to write a personal essay with
detailed examples of how hes tried to help. You said that you've tried
to be supportive. Can you give us some examples of that? Your original
post was rather brief, lacking in detail and did not seem to drip of
love and caring and support. I'd love to know what you have been doing
to help her with her self-esteem and feeling like a strong and proud
woman!
Well, chatguy77, heres a small piece of wisdom for you: Telling a group
of women with their own weight issues that you regret marrying your wife
due to her excessive weight gain is not really the smartest way to
elicit sympathy or advice. Who knows, maybe your emotional ignorance
does contribute to your wifes ambivalence about slimming down. If
thats the case, hopefully, youll figure that out. Vowing to be her
partner in sickness and in health means through thick and through thin.
Losing weight is a tough personal journey that requires a strong support
system. Knowing she has your love and backing, regardless of which
direction the scale is headed, can help her gain the confidence she
needs to begin that journey. Talking about her weight probably isnt
going to help. Instead, as panda_and_boos_mom suggests, make the
conversation about being healthy and living a long, happy life together.
ref=obnetwork
What is it about being in a relationship that makes us gain weight? Like
the freshman 15, we plump up when we get cozy in a long-term
partnership. Even though my weight has fluctuated by a modest 10 to 15
pounds since college, I was always thinner when on the singles scene,
and heavier when committed. Similarly, Ive watched boyfriends go soft
around the middle and gain double chins once weve been dating for more
than a year. Though it didnt make me love them any less (there were
other reasons for that), I did at times wonder why they chose to let
themselves go. That might have had more to do, however, with certain
slothful habits they were starting to exhibit which, to my eyes, is much
more unattractive than a roll of fat.
But what happens when, after you marry someone and say till death do us
part, your partner for life balloons in a big way, and has no interest
in taking the pounds off? Do you have a right to be upset? On the 100
Pounds or More To Go board this week, chatguy77 asked members what to do
about his wife Ramona who, already obese when he married her, has put on
another 90 pounds, putting her into the category of morbidly obese.
Ive tried to be supportive, but she doesnt seem motivated to lose
weight, he says. He capped off his concern with a comment sure to irk
those who struggle with weight issues of their own, Recently, its
become clear (turns red) that at 330 vs. 192, wifey can mop the floor
with me! Ugh! I didnt know what I was getting into with this whole
marriage thing. (Relevant or not, it should be mentioned that at 510
and 192 pounds, chatguys BMI qualifies as overweight.)
Not surprisingly, the women on the board questioned whether chatguy and
his attitude were partly to blame. Panda_and_boos_mom, who attributes
her 125-pound weight gain to her husbands aversion to exercise and
vegetables, suggested that chatguy might not be living up to his wifes
expectations and, instead of asking her to lose weight, he should help
her lose it. Get a good low-fat cookbook and start making dinners. Fix
her plate for her and give her correct portions sizes. Take a walk
together after dinner so you can hold her hand and make her feel special
and appreciated. Find an activity you both like to do and make dates to
go do them. Don't tell her you want her to lose weight; tell her you
want both of you to be healthier and to have a better relationship, she
advises.
All good advice in my book, though the part about fixing her plate
sounds a little Svengali-esque to me.
Meanwhile, liz_in_az wants chatguy to write a personal essay with
detailed examples of how hes tried to help. You said that you've tried
to be supportive. Can you give us some examples of that? Your original
post was rather brief, lacking in detail and did not seem to drip of
love and caring and support. I'd love to know what you have been doing
to help her with her self-esteem and feeling like a strong and proud
woman!
Well, chatguy77, heres a small piece of wisdom for you: Telling a group
of women with their own weight issues that you regret marrying your wife
due to her excessive weight gain is not really the smartest way to
elicit sympathy or advice. Who knows, maybe your emotional ignorance
does contribute to your wifes ambivalence about slimming down. If
thats the case, hopefully, youll figure that out. Vowing to be her
partner in sickness and in health means through thick and through thin.
Losing weight is a tough personal journey that requires a strong support
system. Knowing she has your love and backing, regardless of which
direction the scale is headed, can help her gain the confidence she
needs to begin that journey. Talking about her weight probably isnt
going to help. Instead, as panda_and_boos_mom suggests, make the
conversation about being healthy and living a long, happy life together.